Skip to main content

Full text of "Sonnets of a suffragette"

See other formats


Google 



This is a digital copy of a book that was preserved for generations on library shelves before it was carefully scanned by Google as part of a project 

to make the world's books discoverable online. 

It has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject 

to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books 

are our gateways to the past, representing a wealth of history, culture and knowledge that's often difficult to discover. 

Marks, notations and other maiginalia present in the original volume will appear in this file - a reminder of this book's long journey from the 

publisher to a library and finally to you. 

Usage guidelines 

Google is proud to partner with libraries to digitize public domain materials and make them widely accessible. Public domain books belong to the 
public and we are merely their custodians. Nevertheless, this work is expensive, so in order to keep providing tliis resource, we liave taken steps to 
prevent abuse by commercial parties, including placing technical restrictions on automated querying. 
We also ask that you: 

+ Make non-commercial use of the files We designed Google Book Search for use by individuals, and we request that you use these files for 
personal, non-commercial purposes. 

+ Refrain fivm automated querying Do not send automated queries of any sort to Google's system: If you are conducting research on machine 
translation, optical character recognition or other areas where access to a large amount of text is helpful, please contact us. We encourage the 
use of public domain materials for these purposes and may be able to help. 

+ Maintain attributionTht GoogXt "watermark" you see on each file is essential for in forming people about this project and helping them find 
additional materials through Google Book Search. Please do not remove it. 

+ Keep it legal Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just 
because we believe a book is in the public domain for users in the United States, that the work is also in the public domain for users in other 
countries. Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country, and we can't offer guidance on whether any specific use of 
any specific book is allowed. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in Google Book Search means it can be used in any manner 
anywhere in the world. Copyright infringement liabili^ can be quite severe. 

About Google Book Search 

Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers 
discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web 

at |http: //books .google .com/I 



\AL S>7S.2.I44. 



OLLEGE 
LIBRARY 




Bought from the Fund for 
Ijft Current Modern Poetry 
S given ky 

•m MORRIS GRAY 



SIS 




SONNETS OP A SUFPRAGBTTE 






V 



^" 



\ 



SONNETS OF A 
SUFFRAGETTE 

BY BERTON BRAINY 

InclmUng alio 

LOVB SONNETS OF A MANICURB 

LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

LOVB LYRICS OF A GHAUFPBUR 



CHICAGO 
BROWNE (& HOWELL COMPANY 



AL'=\'i3.:i. \H^ 







COPYRIGHT. 191S 
BT BROWNE & HOWELL COMPANY 



Ail rights nsirvid 



PUBUSHBD, NOVEMBER. 191S 



Stmt of tht Vtrtti in thit Vtlumt App«»rtd in Tht Smturdiv Evtnhtg fttt 



SONNETS OP A SUPPRAGBTTB 



SONNETS OP A 
SUFFRAGETTE 



T READ a lot about the Suffrage Cause. 
■*■ In nearly every paper that I get 

There's somethmg said about the Suf- 
fragette 
And Woman's Rights and '^ brutal, man- 
made laws." 
It's funny, but this "Votes for Women" 
draws 
Its leaders from the very smartest set. 
I don't know what it's all about; and yet 
I think I'd like to join it — well — becausel 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

Why should I be a frivolous young thing, 
Thinking of gowns and dances — and 

of men — 
When I might help to make the welkin ring 
With *' Votes for Women!'' like the Upper 

Ten? 
My sheltered life has been too calm and 

quiet; 
The Movement calls me — and I guess I'll 

try it. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



II 

TT was a lovely meeting — yes, indeed; 
-^ Perfectly dear! And there was such 
a crowd — 
Lots of my friends; I simply bowed and 
bowed. 
I tdl you men had better start to heed 
The warning we have given them to read. 
The leader was delightful — but a dowd ! 
My gown was stunning, and I felt so 
proud — 
For being nicely dressed is half my creed. 



The speeches that I heard were simply 
grand; 
And I met Mrs. Harry Van der Groat — 



SONNETS OP A SUPPRAGBTTB 

One of the social leaders of the land. 

I wonder why she cares about the votel 
If I had all her money I'd — but therel 
The meeting was a dandy, I declare. 



SONNETS OF A SUPPRAGBTTB 



III 

T HAVE decided. I am going to be 
-^ A leader in the cause of Woman's 
Rights. 
Thov^ lots of well-known Suffragettes 
are frights 
And hardly seem to know the A, B, C 
Of wearing clothes, that needn't frighten 
me. 
My speeches may not be a great sue- 



But I look pretty well and I can dress; 
And Yellow quite becomes me — luckily. 

I have a simply stunning yellow gown 
To wear tomorrow night at our bazar. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

We're going to show the women of this town 
What poor, downtrodden slaves they 
really are! 
And, as a little cash is very handy, 
We hold a fair — and I shall sell the candy. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



IV 

T TE had the finest eyes; and such a 
•*• -*• chin — 
A firm, determined chin; a lovely 

smile; 
And wore His suit in such distinguished 
style. 
Of course I noticed Him when He came 

in. 
And when He sauntered over to my booth 
And asked how much my candy was a 

pound 
I couldn't say a word or make a 
sound — 
I guess I must have blushed, to tell the 
truth. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

I don't know why He made me feel that 

way — 
I'm not afraid of men; for I'm enrolled 
In Woman's Cause and armored for the 

fray, 

And we who join the fight must needs be 
bold — 
His eyes were brown; His hair was tinged 
with gray — 
I don't know how much candy 'twas I 
sold. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



^TpHE legislature met and we were there — 
^ A small committee and the presi- 
dent — 
And hours and hours and hours we vainly 
spent 
Getting the pitying smile, the wooden stare, 
From men who didn't seem to know or care 
What we were after. All about we went, 
Explaining what we wished and what we 
meant, 
While Solons listened with a weary air. 

I wore the best I had and looked my best; 
But even that seemed not to help our 
bill. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

Our views were surely dear and well ex- 
pressed; 
Yet we had failed most dismally, until 
We made our little pilgrimage to see 
The Speaker of the House — and it was 
He! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



VI 

T DIDN'T know a thing to say or do — 
'*' To find Him there just took away my 
breath! 
My poise all left me; I was scared 
to death! 
It really made me very angry too — 
To think a man I scarcely even knew 

Should make me act like any bashful 

child! 
And, though I didn't show it, I was 
wild 
Until we'd finished with that interview. 

Oh, He was very nice and heard it all — 
The little speech our dever leader made — 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

And asked us to repeat sometime our call 
And thanked us for the visit we had 
paid, 
And bowed us out, as gracious as a king — 
Although He hadn't promised anything. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



VII 

^TV)DAY I had a terrible surprise: 
^ One of the legislators acted rude 

And leered at me and made some 
honidy crude. 
Familiar speech — the sort that I despise. 
The Speaker heard it; and with blazing 
eyes 
He crossed the floor and grabbed the 

fellow's arm, 
And told him He would make things good 
and warm 
Unless the person would apologize. 

And so he did — the masher was abject; 
He almost groveled as he said his piece 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

And promised he would be more circum- 
spect 
And that familiarities should cease. 
The Speaker left soon after this began; 
But, oh, I think He is the grandest man ! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



VIII 

Wl marched in a procession on the 
street 
To give the Cause publicity; and I 
Carried a Votes-for- Women banner high, 
Despite the stares of many men we'd 

meet. 
I didn't care, because the most 61ite, 
The smartest women in the town, were 
by, 

Tramping along with all us smaller fry — 
(My gown, in spite of mud, was rather 
neat) 

But all at once I saw Him on the curb 
Lifting His hat and giving me a smile. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

And, though I didn't let it much disturb 
My peace of mind, I worried quite a 
while; 
In fact, last night I hardly slept a wink, 

: "What will He think? What 
will He think?" 



w 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

IX 

dear, I hate to knock; but, just the 
same, 

I don't see why some orators will go 
Dowdy and shabby, looking Uke a show 
And wearing things you simply couldn't 

name. 
The one we heard last night is known to 
fame 
For eloquence — and she spoke well, I 

know; 
But by her looks I think her maid must 
throw 
Her garments at her — really, it's a shame! 

Of course we're trodden down and all of 
that — 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

She put that very well and made it dear; 
But, my! she wore the most outlandish 
hat — 
And such a waist! — and such a skirt, 
my dear! 
Man is, I know, our tyrant and our jailer; 
But let us not forget our ladies' tailor. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



X 

THERE are some dowdy women on our 
Ust, 
But most of us are pretty neatly gowned; 
Yet all the cartoon pictures I have found 
Show us as Frights too frowsy to exist; 
I don't object to any other twist 
The artists give their pencils — let 'em 



In any way they Uke to suit the tribe; 
But when it comes to clothes we must 
insist 

On being shown in gowns more up to 
date, 
And hats of vintages since nineteen-four. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

For if there's one thing well-dressed women 

hate 
It's being caught in styles that are no 

more; 
We are not sensitive — no, not a bit! 
But, please, dear artists, make our dresses 

fit. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



(y 



XI 

[, dear, I simply know 'twill break my 
heart! 
And yet, of course, it surely must be 

done — 
A vigorous campaign has just begun 
Against the men who didn't take our /part 
Up in the legislature; and they say 
That if the Speaker tries to make the 

run 
We must go after Him with ''sword and 
gun" 
And ''get His scalp" upon election day! 

The Speaker — He's that lovely man I met 
When I was selling candy long, long since I 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

It's hard to have to fight Him so; and yet 
I guess we must, althoi^th it makes me 

wince. 
Somehow He seems to me a Perfect 
Prince! 
I sometimes wish I weren't a Suffragette. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



XII 

T DIDN'T want to fight Him; but I 
-*■ heard 
Something today that made me greatly 

vexed — 
Amused, I mean. I wonder what is next I 
Oh, men are truly foolish and absurd! 
They say He is engaged to that rare bird 
An Anti-Suffragette, and She can wind 
Him right around her thumb if She's 
inclined; 
And that — but, there, I don't believe a 

word! 
Doubtless She's of the sort that coo and ding 
And think of nothing else but men and 
clothes — 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

A little, simpering, fluffy, blue-eyed Thing — 
The kind men like, but every woman 
loathes. 
Well, let Him have Her if it is His nature; 
But He shanU go back to the legislature! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGBTTB 



XIII 

T SAW Him in an auto with the GirL 
-^ She is a pretty thing, without a 

doubt, 
But of the kind that sigh and sulk and 

pout 
And try to keep a fellow in a whirl. 
Myl He was tender with her as could 
be — 
Swinging [her gently in and lightly out — 
He must be strong as men you read 
about; 
But what He sees in her I cannot seel 

I wish I'd known He liked the fluffy sort — 
I can be fluffy as a fluffy kitty. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

But — I have got to huny and report 
A lot of urgent things to the committee. 

4 

I'm rather sad and dreary altogether. 
Isn't it horrid, cloudy, somber weather? 



w^ 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

XIV 

)LL, Mr. Speaker's back to private 
life. 

Although we women didn't have the vote, 
As Brother says, we surely ''got His 
goat!" 
But it was war — and war unto the knife. 
We pushed our menfolks into all the strife; 
Dodgers and sandwich men we set afloat; 
And^ oh, the campaign fictions that we 
wrote! 
Well, she — I guess — won't be the 
Speaker's wife! 

I s'pose I ought to cheer; and yet, some- 
how, 
I'm not so happy as I wish I were; 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGBTTB 

In fact, I'm feeling rather tearful now 

And everything I look at is a blur. 
I wonder why my eyes are getting dim 
I never even cared a snap for HimI 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



XV 

/T^IME was that Love was lord of all my 

^ dreams; 

But I have put him by, for now I know 

His kingdom is a realm of empty show, 

Of ailly kisses and of foolish schemes. 
The Cause of Woman calls me, and it 

teems 
With promise and with glory all aglowl 
My destiny is plain and I shall go 
Forward to that far goal which gleams and 

i^eamsl 

Marriage and home and such I must abjure. 
My path is straight; I shall not look 
aside — 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

I wonder if He's absolutely sure 
That she's the kind He wants to make 

His bride! 
Rue shall be mine, not rosemary and 

clover — 
Maybe He'll change His mind and throw 

her over! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



XVI 

^T^HEY*VE put me down to make a little 
*• speech 

In celebration of our winning fight. 
We hold a jubilation Thursday night, 
When we will let the lady eagle screech; 
For in the fortress we have made a breach, 
Driven our foes completely out of 

aght — 
And now are marching on in serried 
might — 
That's from my talk; it really is a peach I 

I wonder if He's likely to be there! 
I'm going to wear the swellest thing IVe 
got; 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

And I shall have a sunburst in my hair — 
But what's the use? For — just as like 
as not — 
He will be with that girl I've spoken of, 
Sittix^ at home — and maybe making love! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



XVII 

T TE called today and brought that girl 
•*■ -*• along — 

Both He and she were wonderfully nice. 

At first I treated them as cold as ice; 
But very soon I felt that I was wrong, 
For in that voice of His, so deep and 
stroi^, 

He said: ''It's strange you haven't met 
before. 

This is my little sister Leonore — 
As nice a girl as any in the throng." 

My goodness gracious — if I'd only known 1 
She's just the sweetest tgdcl you'd ever 
find. 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

Of course the fault is really all my own; 
But She's so nice! I love that fluffy 
kindl 
And He is not engaged; has no romance — 
That gives some tgdcl a little better chance! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



XVIII 

T TE wants to know what Woman's 
rl Suff»gcmea<»: 
And so He comes to me, he says, to learn. 
I've tried to make it plain to Him, in turn, 
How it would break political machines 
And put an end to all disgraceful scenes 
About the polls. He really seems to 

yearn 
For knowledge, and His eyes with fervor 
bum — 
And — my! He says He loves my pork 
and beans! 



He says He sees He made a great mistake - 
He never will oppose the Cause again! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

And then He asked me for a piece of cake — 
He says my cooking would make slaves 
of men! 
He says we women really ought to vary 
Our plan of fight — and make it culinary! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGBTTB 



XIX 

AND, now that I'm converted hard and 
fast 
And tethered in your Woman's Suffrage 

yard. 
What is to be my just and fair reward 
For turning thus my back on all my past?'' 
He asked me that last night. I only cast 
A glance at Him — well, that is where 

He starred! 
He seized me in His arms and held me 
hard; 
And so I'd won my victory at last! 

Won't it be fine to be a great man's spouse — 
One of the greatest on the continent — 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

Wife of the noted Speaker of the Ifonse — 

Wife of the Senator — the President! 
For Arthur's certain to be great in time — 
And who can tell how loftily He'll dimb? 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 



TSNT she pretty, Arthur? Cute and 
-*• And — my I — so fat and active! Oh, 
she smiled! 
I wonder if there ever was a child 
One-half so nice as she is — do you think? 
Well, what do you think of that! I saw 
her wink — 
She xmderstood! I tell you she is keen; 
The brightest baby I have ever seen. 
Just see her eyes — how knowingly they 
blink! 

My dear, she wants that package! What is 
in it? 
What makes you smile so? Wait and 
m see too! 



SONNETS OF A SUFFRAGETTE 

Hush» baby; you shall have it in a minute. 
Your Speaker's Gavd I Arthur, dear — 
she knew! 

Just think! She's only three months old, 
and yet 

She knows her mind — and she's a Suffra- 
gette! 



LOVE SONNBTS OF A MANICURE 



LOVE SONNETS 
OP A MANICURE 



T TS working girls gets pretty wise to men, 

^^ They ain't so very la-de-dah with us; 
We see 'em when they ain't dolled up to 
fuss, 

But just the way they are nine days in ten. 

Believe me when I say I haven't been 
A manicure two years for nothing, '' joiss," 
I'm nearly hep to every sort of cuss 

That slips a manicure her half a yen. 

But take 'em all in all they ain't so worse. 
There's some gets new but I can head 
'em in, 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

And show 'em when the time comes to 

reverse 
And put the air-brake on their line of 

chin; 
And then there's some is slower than a 

hearse 
— I wish there was a swell guy I could 

win. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



II 

li iTE for the mope with money — or at 
^^ least 
The fellow with a little in the bank; 
I want to float aroxmd with dames of 
rank 
No more for me a brow with worry creased 
Because the wolf's outside the door — the 
beast! 
The poor man gets from me the chilly, 

blank 
And haughty stare, to put it very frank. 
— My youthful thoughts of fond romance 
has ceased. 

I want a good free-spender, not too free, 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

(These reckless ginks is either flush or 
broke) 
A good provider, who will get for me 

Most anything I want before IVe spoke, 
Love? Aw forget it, I have put the bee 

On Mr. Cupid till he had to croak; 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



III 

TT^OR once upon a time, when I was 
•*• young, 
The Grandest Man came floating roxmd 

the shop 
(Still when I think of him my heart goes 
"flop") 
And at his feet my girlish love I flung. 
Say, it was fierce the loving way I dimg 
To every finger when I done his nails 
And he — he told me pretty fairy tales 
Until I foimd that he was married — 
Stung! 

My yoimg heart almost busted, dearie dear ! 
I thought I'd foimd a home for all my 
life, • 



LOVB SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

And then — excuse me while I shed a 

tear — 
I learned about the gay deceiver's wife; 
And after that all love for me was canned 
And yet, and yet — say, he was Simply 

Grandl 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



IV 

T DONE some hands today that sure was 
-■• tough, 
The guy that owned them was a ooimtry 

boob, 
You couldn't help but size him for a 
rube 
And gee, his nails was awful coarse and 

roughl 
And though he done his best to throw a 
bluff 
And act just like a dty chap, at ease. 
Once when I give his hand a little 
squeeze 
He blushed bright red and all that bashful 
stuff. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

He made me laufi^, the great, big, awk- 
ward gink, 
His hands was big and awful thick and 
hard, 
His clothes was latest fashion — I don't 
think! 
He looked just like a comic postal card. 
He sure was anything at all but wise 

(And yet he had the Grandest pair of 
eyes). 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



TT seems to me that all the hands I do 
^ Is awful soft and lady-like of late; 
And if there's anything on earth I hate 
It's sissy hands on men. Why, honest 

true, 
These nice clean lunch-hooks that I has to 
view 
Gives me the willies, none for little 

Kate! 
I'm for the paws that's hard and strong 
and great, 
Even if they are red and calloused too. 

This lily-fingered thing is fine for dames 
That likes to play piano or crochet. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

. * 

But men's hands ain't intended for them 

games 
— I wonder what become of that young 

jay 
That blowed in here a week or so ago. 
Say, but his hands was mighty strong ones, 

though! 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



VI 

TT'S funny, ain't it, how you mix the 
-*■ dope 

And think youVe got the whole thing 

fis^ered right, 
And then you sort of get a second sight 
And find you're twisted like a tangled 

rope. 
I pe^ed that rural person as a mope, 
I laughed at him and said he was a fright 
And now — say listen, honest, honor 
bright! 
I can't forget him, I just live in hope 

That he'll come back again and let me 
hold 
That hand of his for just a little while. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

Fm side of fellers that are wise and bold. 
That rube was nice and had a bashful 
smile. 
— Ah me (I stole that talk from Bertha 

Clay) 
He came into my life — and went away. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



VII 

^T^HIS world is hard for girls that has to 
^ work. 
The men you meet and think you'd like 

to get 
Is either married long before you met 
Or busy as a dago with a Turk! 
And you can do your best and smile and 
smirk 
But at the most a tip is all you get. 
The guy that stidcs around — here's one 
best bet 
Is some four-flusher of a ribbon derk. 

Well, when I marry, as I said before 
I won't be like these easy marks who 
fall 



LOVB SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

For any brassy boy who makes a stall 
And heats the atmosphere forevermore. 
I don't object to bluffs — no, not at all — 
But they must have the boodle when I call. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



VIII 

^T^HAT farmer boy blew in again at last, 
^ His scenery was changed — he showed 

some pepy 
I guess some friend of his had put him 
hep 
Or else he's wised himself up mighty fast; 
Says he, " I haven't come to have you trim 
My taper finger nails, I'm shy the price 
But somehow — well, you seem so sort of 
nice 
And things are looking blue and chances 
dim. 

I thought maybe you'd cheer me up a bit, 
I hardly know a person in the town. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

I Ve lost my job — I didn't seem to fit 
I guess I don't belong, my nerve is down, 

I done my best but I was not a hit, 
I reckon I am finished — good and 
brown." 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



H 



IX 
ONEY," I says, "I'm sorry for your 



You're down a bit; but gee, you're far 

from out, 
Forget that sad discouraged, dreary 
shout! 
You take the count? There ain't no count 

to take! 
Brace up, stand up and give yourself a 
shake. 
It's boys like you fresh from the village 

green 
That lidcs the platter in the dty dean. 
Don't let a little set bade make you 
break. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

" There's room for you — or you can make 

the room. 
The boys from Homdyville and Sleepy 

Lane 
Are at the top right now — cut out the 

gloom 
And get some fighting spirit in your 

brain! 
I'm strong all right on love and sympathy 
But what you want is iV-e-r-v-e." 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



^T^HAT bundi of cheerful dope I mixed 
'*' up hot 

For Silas (Ain't that just an awful name) 
Seems to have made him ready for the 
game, 
And ever since he's been right on the trot. 
Where any job was — he was on the spot 
And so today with quite a grin he came 
And says, says he, ''Let it be known to 
fame 
This is a first dass job that I have gotJ 



f9 



H 



Believe me, tnster, you're the tonic kid. 
The nervine youngster and the brace-up 
friend. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

I'll sure make good if such it can be did, 
And blow you right when I have cash to 

spend. 
My board bill first — and then, well, wait 

and see 
I kinda think you'll find some dass to me." 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

XI 

T^ELIEVE me when I say that Si's the 
^^ goods 
All wool, you bet, and not a shoddy 
thread. 
You put it down as something that I said 
That there ain't many like him in these 
woods; 
For yesterday, when Si was getting shaved 

One of these masher fellers got too flip 
And handed me some doubtful sort of lip 
— Well say, you oughta see how Si 
behaved! 

Out of that chair he bounded like a flash 
And spread that masher's nose around his 
map. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

"I'll teadi you what's the proper way to 
mash/' 
Says Silas as he bumped him on the trap. 
And then he throwed him out and banged 
the door 
— I see now what them heavy hands is 
fon 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XII 

T HATE a piker. Listen to my wail. 
"^ This Silas child is either awful tight 

Or else he isn't jerry to the right 
And proper way to spend his bundi of 

kale. 
He takes me to a show and makes me 
trail 
Along the streets, because it ''ain't so 

far," 
And then the seats — do you know where 
they are? 
Clear up at top, behind the highest rail! 

And after it is over does he say 

"Now, little one, we'll have a bit to 
eat?" 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

Not on your life and likewise nix! and 

nay! 
We beats it home upon our weary feet. 
When there's so many live ones in the 

town, 
I guess I'm through with Mr. Silas Brown. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



I 



XIII 

WONDER where friend Silas keeps 
himself? 

It's seven days since I have seen his face, 
I wonder if he's sick or left the place. 
Maybe he's in the dead house on a 
shelf. 
Oh yes, I know, I said he wouldn't shine 
With other guys that went a faster 

pace 
But it ain't never been no great dis- 
grace 
To change your mind as I have done with 
mine. 

I wonder if he's ever coming back? 
I wonder if he ever thinks of me? 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

I wonder if I made some fimny crack 
The other night that made him sore? — 
Oh, gee! 

That farmer boy has got me on the rack 
And I'm so worried I can hardly see! 



s 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

XIV 

^AY, but I guess I'm foolish like a 

mutt — 
Me that was worrying so about that 

geek 
Because he didn't show for all the week 
That I was almost going off my nut, — 
For yesterday I seen him — gee, he cut 
An awful dash; he was the nobby 

streak, 
He was the latest noise, the newest 



And with him was a lady — oh tut tut! 

She was some queen, I gotta hand her that. 
And togged to make a fellow hold his 
breath 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

But when Fm frettixxg over where he's at 

And simply worrying myself to death, 
He*s trotting with this other wren. Oh 
well, 
You try to dope 'em out, but you can't 
teU. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XV 

/^RAB it from Katie that a woman's 
^^ queer — 

Almost as queer and fimny as a man. 

Me that was frizzled in my thinking pan 
Because that clumsy fanner wasn't here; 
The minute that he happens to appear 

I hand him all the scornful talk I can 

Although if this here face of mine he'd 
scan 
He'd know that I was wishing I could 
cheerl 

He asks me to a dance — says I, ^'I guess 
That I can go, although them dieap 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

Is always very rowdy, more or less. 
And very hard upon the dothes you 
wears" 
(While all the time, if I'd have spoke what's 
true 
I'd say, ''I'm crazy, Hon, to go with 
you!") 



w 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

XVI 

says that queen bee that I seen him 
with 
Was just his cousin, here from up the 

State. 
He says that ain't no stall, it's honest 
straight, 
And that her name is Angelina Smith. 
Maybe he's handing out a merry myth 
But I'll believe it, or at any rate 
As long as Angle's gone and pulled her 



111 try to think she is his kin and kith. 

Of course that cousin game is rather worn 
But I'll believe him — that is, if I 
can: 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

Although he went and left me "all forlcmi" 
To trot around with her. That's like a 
man! 
Say, there's one thing I've noticed in the 
city, 
A fellow's "cousin's" alwajrs mighty 
pretty. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



S 



XVII 

^AY, was it me that painted Brother 
Si 
As tighter than the tightest kind of 

drum? 
Well, all that conversation's on the bum, 
He's just the livest person passii^ by. 
Open face togs, a silk hat two feet high 
And flowers — say, but he was going 

some 
When in a taxicab for me he come — 
He sure can soar when he starts out to 
fly. 

V 

I 

Oh, it was grand enough, but I'm afraid 
That he is blowing in his cash too fast, 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

That party was a nifty dress parade 
But sudi a pace is mudi too swift to 
last; 
I'm going to tell him that he needn't 
spend 
A cent on me to keep me for a friend. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XVIII 

^^EE, but these fanner boys is awfiil 
^^ slow, 
Ain't it the truth, why listen here to 

this! 
On the way home last night Si stole a 
kiss 
Or tried to steal it, but it didn't go. 
I made a stall that I was angry, so 
The stupid ninny didn't try again; 
It's fimny that a feller can't tell when 
A girl means '^yes" although she answers 
"no!" 

And when I said good night I stood a step 
Above him and my eyes looked into his 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

And — well I done my best to put him 
hep 
But still he didn't seem to know his 
biz; 
He wanted it, all right, and mighty bad, 
But still he lost the kiss he might have 
had. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XIX 

T TE called for me last night and took me 

•*• -*• home 

Just when the lights were coming on — 

near dark, 

He led me to an arbor in the park 

And as we sat there in the ^^glimmering 

gloam/' 

He says to me, ''Say, Katie, I could roam 

Around the world and yet I'd never find 

A girl like you. Say, honeybun, be kind 

If you would take me, life would be a 

pome." 

I looks him over, tall and strong and dean 
The sort of man you know is royal blue. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

A regular feller, such as sddcnn seen, 
"I got cha Steve," I says, "I'm strong 
for youJ 

There's certain things IVe said I must 
recall 
For Si is quite some kisser after all ! 



99 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



TT is to laugh. It is to laugh out loud, 
■*• And I'm the joke; do you remember 
how 
I said I wouldn't be no person's frau 
Until I knew about him and his crowd? 
I'd be the haughty beauty, cold and 
proud 
And very mercenary — pipe me now! 
Falling for love in spite of every vow 
And wrapping all my wisdom in a 
shroud. 

For all I know my Silas may be Bill 

The Brooklyn Burglar or some mug like 
that, 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

But if he was — I guess I'd take him 
stiU 
I'm just that cra2y underneath my hat. 
Of course he ain't a crook, but if he is 
I bet that he's the best one in the 
bizi 



I.OVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XXI 

A CITY Salesman, salary Thirty perl 
-^^ That's SUas; ain't he something 
pretty grand? 
I bet each manicure in all the land 
Is wishing Silas took a shine to her; 
You ought to see the flat we've got, yes 
sir! 
It's all the candy — lovely, understand? 
And gee, the cosy comers we have 
planned 
They're just the grandest things that ever 
were. 

Now Thirty per's no fortune — that's a fact 
But still I guess that we can get along. 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

And sometimes maybe see the actors act 
Or hear a comic opera tenor's song, 

At least, it's worth the gamble and the 
diance 
For I'm just full of longing for romance! 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 



XXII 

^TpHE wedding march is over — we are 
■^ one 
And are we happy — well I should 

exclaim? 
I'd like to have you point me out a dame 
That's any gladder underneath the sun; 
But now that married life is well begun 
I'll buy a safety razor set for Si 
(In time these barbers' shaves mount up 
quite high 
And folks like us should really save the 
mon). 

I think it's just as well for Si to keep 
Away from barber shops — no matter 
where — 



LOVE SONNETS OF A MANICURE 

To shave at home is better and more cheap 

— And I'm the only manicure who's 

there! 

Of course I trust my husband; sure! but 

then, 

Them manicures is sirens with the meni 



LOVE LYRICS OP A SHOP GIRL 



LOVE LYRICS 
OP A SHOP GIRL 



SAY, Mamie, I met just the dandiest 
feUer 
Down at the dancin' pavilion last night; 
Dresses as swell as the swellest — or 
sweller — 
Say, he is there; he is strictly all right. 
Dance? He can dance like a ^din' pro- 
fessor; 
Two-step or waltz — he's the best in the 
land. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Have I a crush? You're a good little 
guesser. 
Honestly, Mamie, he's Perfectly Grand I 

Mamie, he's there with the smooth con- 
versation, 

E^sy and bright — but he doesn't get gay. 
Talks like he had just a grand education. 

My, but the cleverest things he can say! 
Still, he is always so nice in his manners, 

All of the '' rough stuff " is totally canned; 
Maybe he's one of these oxjrgen fanners — 

Nevertheless he is Perfectly Grand I 

Mamie, his front name is Spanish — it's 
Terence; 
"Terence O'Shea" — he's a Frenchman, 
I think. 



XONE LYRICS OF A SH< 

Say, but I'm glad it ain't Algy or ( 
Quys with them monakers dr 
drink. 
Mamie — Aw, gee! Gotto wait 
Sometimes this job of mine's 
can standi 
But take it from Nettie, Mi 
O'Grady, 
Terence O'Shea is just Perfect 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



II 

T WENT to the Firemen's CotiUion 
^ With Mamie and Jennie and May; 
The rough-necks was there by the million. 

But — so was young Terence O'Shea. 
He danced with me — seven grand waltzes — 

And when the bunch got in a row 
He said, ''It's a shame; sure, you shouldn't 
have came, 

And we'll have to get out o' this nowJ 



9> 



Then he says to us girls : '' If you'll mind me 
I'll take you dean out of this fight, 

Keep together and follow behind me" — 
And he walloped a guy with his right, 



LOVB LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

And his fists made a path as we beat it; 

You bet we was r^ht where he led, 
Till we crossed the whole floor and was out 
of the door 

With the moon shinin' down overhead. 

And he says to me special: ''Them dances 

Ain't fit for a girl of your style; 
You shouldn't be takin' such diances — 

Cut 'em out, little one, for a while. 
And, say — if I wait at the entrance 

When the store closes Monday, Miss Net, 
And your work is all through, can I walk 
home with you? " 

I giggled and answered, ''You bet!" 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



III 

Q^AY, Mamie, he's the finest feller yet, 
^^ He's all the rage with little sister Net ; 
I fell for him that time I seen him first. 
And now — say, Mamie, honest, IVe the 

worst. 
The most tremendous crush I ever got. 
I'm simply dippy over him — that's what I 

He walked dear home with me — though 

it was late; 
I bet he missed his dinner. Well, he's great ! 
Naw, I don't mean he's always on the 

buy — 
I'm wise to that free-handed sort of guy; 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

But he Oh, well, you know just what 

I mean; 
He kind of treats you like you was a queen. 



And ain't he handsome, Mame? You seen 

him, sure. 
I guess he's bad; I guess he dresses poor. 
And he ain't like some other friends of 

mine 
That's always trjrin' hard to get a shine; 
He never hits the booze; his cash he blows 
For scenery and dances and for shows! 

And, Mame, he's goin' to take me to a 

show 
If ma is only willin' I should go — 
He wouldn't hear of takin' me imless 
My mother knew about it and said, " Yes " — 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

And did she? Well, you bet your boots 

she did — 
I'd like to see her try to stop me, kid. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



IV 

SAY, Mamie, pipe the rose I'm wearin' 
' — weU? 
You see it's on my heart — the proper 

spot. 
I want to state that that new friend IVe 
got 
Knows how to treat a lady somethin' swell. 
He doesn't spend so much; but you can 
teU, 
The way he ^)ends it, he's been round a 

lot 
And knows the things to do, and what is 
what. 
Ain't it just simply lovely, Mamie? Smell ! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

And| Mamie, listen I — How? What's that 
you said? 
IVe kept you waiting, madam? Paw- 
don me, 
I awsked you what you wished; you shook 
your head, 
And so I thought — I understood — you 



■A 

Three yahds, you say? — Wait, Mamie, till 

we eat; 
I'll tell you what he said to me, complete. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



W^ 



lTXL I wear, Mamie? What'U 
I wear? 

I'm goin' tonight to the show. 
What sort of style will I do up my hair — 

With a band or a comb or a bow? 
Do you think I should go like I would to a 
dance 
Or more like I wear in the store? 
I'm scared half to death and I daren't take 
a chance — 
I never went this way before. 

For Terence is doin' the caper just grand; 
Two seats, right downstairs near the front, 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Where the dresses is all the deoolette brand 

And a opera doak is the stunt. 
But ma says I dassen't wear dresses like 
that — 
Though my shoulders is better than 
some — 
And I ain't got a op^ra doak or a hat, 
And I'll look like a kyke from a slum. 

I wonder if Terence will wish I'd not 
came! 
He's always so swdl and so fine. 
But, still, he must know I'm no millionaire 
dame 
With duds full of jewds that shine. 
So I guess I'll just put on my lavender 
auit 
And I hope it'll please him all right; 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



He seen it just once and he said it was 
cute — 
But I know I will look like a fright! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



VI 

^Y^ERENCE, these is dandy seats. 
Say, you're awful good to me, 
Flowers, shows and fanpy eats — 

You do spend your money free; 

Just the same I think that we — 
You, I mean — should save your dough, 

So we'd have — I mean Oh, gee! 

.Ain't this just a dandy show? 

Watdi the little guy who beats 
On the drum I Say, honest, he 

Hops like Jersey shore mosqueets 
Or a busy little flea. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP OIRL 

Terencei pipe that bundi of three 
In the third box, second row; 

Fattest folks I ever see. 
Ain't this just a dandy show? 

O-ohl that villain; how he dieatsl 

Ain't it fierce? — his villainy? 
When that hero guy he meets 

He'll get his right suddenly. 

There's the leadin' lady; she 
Ain't so awful pretty, though. 

Now we'll have some tragedy! 
Ain't this just a dandy show? 

VENVOI 

Terence, you're the goods, machree! 

And I had to tell you so. 
It was grand as it could be — 

It was just a dandy showl 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



VII 

TTELLO! Yes, this is Nettie- Yep! 
^ •* How are you, Terence? Sure, I'm 

wise; 
I recognized you by your step 

And by the twinkle in your eyes. 
Aw, quitdier jollyin* — I ain't ! 

Aw, now, go on; you beat the Dutdil 
You'd try the patience of a saint — 

You know my looks ain't sudi a much. 

What? No, I don't. I never did. 

I say I don't I Nope, not a bit. 
Well, yes, I kind of like you, kid, 

Now that I come to think of it. 



LOVE LTRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Say, Terence, tell me where I stand. 

What's that? Oh, gee I that listens good. 
Say, honest, Terence, you're just grand — 

I want that strictly understood. 

Aw, keep out. Central I What you say? 

We can't be spoonin' on the 'phone? 
Now, don't be gettin' quite so gay; 

You just leave our affairs alone. 
Hello, there, Terence, ain't that nerve? 

Them Central girls is mudi too flip, 
And if th^ got what they deserve 

Thqr'd be more careful with their lip. 

The dance tonight? Why, sure thing, hon. 

I wouldn't miss it for the world; 
It will be simply loads of fun. 

I'll be there, with my bangs all curled. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

I Ve got new scenery you'll like — 
I think it ought to please your eye; 

And I'll be dressed on time, sure Mike! 
Get that one, honey? Well, goodby! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



VIII 

T T THEN we get up for a spid 

^ ^ Words can't express how I fed. 
My joy so intense is I'm out of my senses, 
my brain's in a heavenly red ! 

I could die dancing with you — 
That ain't no jolly — it's true. 
Waltzing or two-step, an old or a new step, 
you're all to the merry; you'll do! 

Whirl me again and again. 
Six times or seven or ten; 
Sway me and swing me and toss me and fling 
me, till I don't know where I've been. 



LOVE LTRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

I fed so light I could fly; 
Hold me up dose or 1*11 try — 
Can't get my breath, dear; don't hug me to 
death, dearl — and yet, what a sweet 
way to diel 

Terence, you're great; you're a wizi 
You're just the grandest there is. 
Talkin' or dandn' you're simply entrandn' ; 
you've put all the rest on the friz! 
Whisper, you Terence O'Shea, 
You've stolen my heart clean away. 
The music's quit playin' — what's that I 
was sayin'? 
Aw well, don't bdieve all I sayt 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP OIRL 



IX 

A'VH' Mamie, listen I We have had a row, 
^^ Terence and me — a simply awful 

scrap — 
And we ain't speakin' to each other now. 
But what's the difference? I don't give 
a rapl 
He isn't such a wonder! J know heaps 

Of other guys that has it over him. 
I hope he gets that other girl for keeps; 
She'll make him dance around and keep 
in trim. 

He ditdied me, Mamie; went and did me 
dirt; 
He took another lady to the dance, 



LOVE LTRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

And when he sees that I am kind of hurt 
He tries to square himself — but what a 
chancel 
I says: ''Your line of talk gives me a 
pain; 
I ain't concerned at all, and that's a 
fact. 
I hope you get this right and get it plain — 
I don't care what you do, nor how you 
act." 



I says to him, I says: ''If you're so fond 
Of takin' her to dances, go ahead. 

What do I care about that scrawny blonde! 
You beat it while the goin's good," I 
said. 

Then he gets awful mad and off he went; 
And I was sorry, and I guess I cried; 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Because I'd said some more than what I 
meant — 
And wouldn't let him answer when he 
tried. 



Say, Mamie, have I put things on the blink 
Forever and forever — do you think? 
Or will he stand for what I said and did, 
And come again — say, how about it, kid? 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



T^ELIEVE me, kid, I ain't the kind to 
^^ knock. 
But there's a certain party I could name 
That hasn't got no decency or shame; 
If we was men I'd bat her on the block; 
I'd make her wish that she had never 
came 
Between us — say, I'd give her quite a 
shock. 

Believe me, kid. 

Why, say, if she should ever have to hodc 
The artificial stuff that's on her frame, 
You wouldn't know her for the fanQr 
dame 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

That goes paradin' up and down the walk; 
She wouldn't look a partide the same. 
Believe me» kid. 

She thinks she's swell; but, geet she's such 
a gawk. 
She thinks she's wild; but, honest, she 

is tame. 
I don't see what he sees in such a dame, 
Though I ain't one of those that likes to 
kno<±. 

Believe me, kid. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



I 



XI 

T'S all my fault, but I don't care; 

I won't tell him the way I feel; 
He's got to say Tie's wrong, so there! 

Say, he would have conceit to spare 
If I would make the first appeal; 
It's all my fault, but I don't care. 

I won't do nothing, I declare 

But let him make a humble spiel; 
He's got to say Tie's wrong, so there! 

Nope, I ain't tearin' any hair. 

An' I ain't missed a sii^e meal; 
It's all my fault, but I don't care. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

We meet — he gets the frigid stare 

That makes his very blood congeal; 
He's got to say he's wrong, so there! 

You say the way I act ain't fair? 

What's that to you, it ain't your deal. 
It's all my fault, but I don't care. 
He's got to say he*s wrong, so there t 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XII 

r ST to be pleasant and social, that's 
all, 
Jimmie McGannon asked me to the ball. 
** Nettie/' he sajrs, '' It's a shame you should 

stay 
Home all alone when the others is gay, 
Just because youVe had a row with 

O'Shea — 
I have the tidcets; come on, girlie — say ! " 

Just to show Terence that I didn't care 
I went with Jimmie — and Terence was 
there! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



me, the fracas was over — so quidc! 
For Terence came down like a thousand of 

bride; 
And though Jimmie isn't no picnic to 

lick — 
He bein' a lively and muscular Midc — 
It didn't takt Terence much time for the 

tridc! 



"This is to show," Terence says, with a 

grin, 
''That though we are out there'll be no 

buttin' in! 
If any one else wants to go with my girl 
He'll get all mussed up, with his hair out of 

curl. 
Step up here, you guys, and I'll give you a 

whirl." 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Well, 88^, was I popular? Yes, I was — 

not. 
They left me alone in the lonesomest spot, 
And Terence, he diudced me right into a 

hade. 
"Go home, you," he said,'' and don*t try 

to come bade!'' 
But though he was mad as a hen that is wet 
And wouldn't make up with his little friend 

Net, 
I know that he cares! It was hard upon 

Jim; 
Yet I'm glad of the rumpus that happened 

to him. 
It deared up a matter that seemed pretty 

dim. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XIII 

^¥^HAT floor-walker's gettin* too breezy; 

^ He har^s around me all the time. 
IVe wanted to let him down easy, 

But he doesn't get wise — he's a lime. 
I don't like the way that he treats me — 

You'd think that he owned me, the slob ! 
You'd think, by the way that he meets 
me, 
I owed him my life — and my job! 

He's got to quit callin' me "Baby" 
And "Sister" and "Honey" and "Pet." 

I've quarreled with Terence; but maybe 
He wouldn't be tickled to get 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

A chance at this floor-walker Willie, 
Who tried to get merry with muh! 

Oh» wouldn't he wallop him sillyl 
And then for the ambulance — huh? 

But I won't tdl Terence; I merely 

Will speak to this floor-walker gink, 
And tdl him, quite plainly and dearly, 

Exactly the things that I think. 
I don't want to act at all shady. 

But if he gets uppish — the yap! — 
I'll lift up my hand like a lady 

And boimce him a biff on the map. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XIV 

^T^AKE it from me, and listen, I be- 

•*• seech: - 
The wise girl keeps herself 'way out of 
reach 
Of guys who want to marry; for she's 

siu-e 
That if she hitches up she will be poor — 
For that's the lesson all the others teach. 

Don't listen when he starts his little speech; 
Don't hearken when he tells you you're a 
peach, 
But tell him he's a liar, Simon pure — 
Take it from me« 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Remember, when you're sittin' side by each 
Beneath the moonlight out upon the beach, 
That love is very fine in literachoor, 
But marriage is a thing that's hard to 
cure; 
And though I never practiced what I 
preach — 

Take it from me. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XV 

TJ^VERYTHING'S beautiful,- every- 
^^ thing's bright; 
Terence came over to see me last night. 
"Nettie," he says, "1*11 admit you was 

right; 
I hadn't ought to have taken that kid 
Down to the dance, and I'm sorry I did. 

It was a date we had made 'way ahead — 
Will you forgive me?" "Why, Terry," I 

said, 
"You weren't to blame. It was my fault, 

instead. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Will you forgive " But he grabbed me, 

and say — 
Honest, he fair took my breath all away! 

When I was yoimger I just loved to spoon 
Almost with any one imder the moon; 
But when Terry kissed me — it made me 

feel sad 
Thinkin' of all of the fellers that had 
Kissed me before. What a fool I had been, 
Lettin' myself be a plaything of men! 
Now that I've learned what a kiss really is, 
I wish that I'd never had any but his. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XVI 

'^I^WASNT a bit like proposals I Ve read 
'*' about, 

Pulsin' with passion and throbbin' with 
thrills. 
Every old hunch that I had in my head 
about 
How it was done — simply took to the 
hills. 
Terence talks beautiful when he is utterin' 

Jollies to flatter a girl at a dance; 
But when he proposed he was mumblin' and 
mutterin' — 
Somethin' like this, in a sort of a trance: 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

"Nettie, you know you're — say, Net, 
you're a hit with me! 
Honest, I can't see nobody but you. 
What do you say? Do you think you could 
fit with me 
In a nice flat that was comfy for two? 
As for my job, weU, it ain't much for 
salary; 
Still, it will pay for the grub and the 
rent. 
Yes, and sometimes for two seats in the 
gallery — 
How does it sound to you — far as I've 
went?" 

"Terry," I says, "though it ain't like a book 
at all — 
No, nor a love scene in any old play — 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Still, I ain't goin' to give you the hook at all, 
Though you're a shine in the lovemakin' 
way. 
Marry you? Say, I'd look pretty refusin' 
you! 
I fell in love on the day that we met; 
Kver since then I've been fearful of losin' 
you — 
Marry you, Terence? Well, watch little 
Net!" 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XVII 
^T^HE g^ls th^ come and s^ls thqr 

•*■ go, 

But not for long th^ tarry. 
Some feller asks 'em to, and so 

They quit the store — and many. 
They throw up comfort and a job, 

And Uberty in plenty, 
For some poor ordinary slob 

On twelve a week — or twenty. 

I seen 'em lose their looks and style. 

Get dowdylike and faded; 
I said 'twould be a long, long while 

Before I'd do as they did. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

But, when the right guy comes along 
And says you'll make or break him. 

You listen to his little song 
And fall for it — and take him. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



XVIII 

Ti yrY mother says: " Nix on that Terence 
^^ O'Shea/' 

Now what do you know about that? 
She says he's too thin in the matter of pay. 

Now what do you know about that? 
"Why, mother," I says, "his job's awful 

swell; 
He's sort of a derk in a uptown hotel." 
Says she: "Yes, he jimips when the derk 
thumps the bell!" 

Now what do you know about that? 



I tdls it to Terence and says : " Let's dope ! 
Now what do you know about that? 



$9 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

But he bites on his lip and he answers me: 

"Nope." 
Now what do you know about that? 
Says he: ''If she thinks that my job ain't 

enough 
I'll get me a better, and just call her 

blufif. 
We'll wait, though the waitin' will be mighty 

tough." 
Now what do you know about that? 



»» 



Sajrs Terence: ''I ain't so dead stuck on 
myself.^ 

Now what do you know about that? 
** I'll lay this dnch job of mine up on the 
shelf." 
Now what do you know about that? 



LOVE LTRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

''I'll get out and rustle the best that I can. 
I'm sidk of this bein' so spidk and so span — 
I'll go get a job for a good, husky Man." 
Now what do you know about that? 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



TT'OU'D ought to seen Terence — it's 
■*■ rich! 

I seen him today in his stunt. 
He was diggin' up dirt from a ditch — 

And gee ! but it made the boy grunt. 
There was mud plastered over his cheek. 

His hands was all blistered and sore, 
And nary a word would he speak 

Though I throwed him three kisses — 
or four. . 

He must have been pretty well fried. 

For the mercury showed 93 ; 
And I laughed, but I pretty near cried — 

'Cause I knew he was workin' for me. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

But I know he*ll be boss pretty soon — 
You can't keep a good feller down I 

And we'll march to that Mendelssohn tune 
The happiest couple in town. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



o 



^H look at it, Mamie, and say if you 
blame me 
For bein' so happy I'm crazy to sing. 
Just let your gaze linger a while on that 
finger. 
Say, ain't that a dudk of a solitaire 
ring? 
It glitters and blazes at each one who 



There's class to a di'mond that sparkles 

like that; 
And ain't it just thriUin' that mommer is 

willin' 
And Terence has rented a cute little flat? 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

YeSy Terence is bossin'; he's fmished with 
tossin' 
The dirt from his shovel down there in 
the street. 
And ma, she says: ''Go now and marry 
your beau now; 
He's showed what he is and he stands on 
his feet. 
He's worked like he ought to and look where 
he's got to — 
A bully big man and the boss of a crew! 
As soon as you're ready you marry your 
steady." 
And what mother says it's my duty to do. 

And so my nert payday is "goin'-away" 
day — 
Away from my job in this tiresome old 
place, 



LOVE LXRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

Where I have been eamin' my livin' and 
leamin' 
That girls isn't built to win out in the 
race. 
Why don't you get married before you are 
buried 
Alive in this wearisome job in a store, 
Gettin' thinner and thinner? Why, Mamie I 
You sinner! 
Engaged? And you never told me! 
Say, I'm sore. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 



Q^AY, wfll you love me, kiddo, when 
^^ I'm old and uglylike and bent? 
Or will you weary of me then, 

When all my looks away has went? 
You say 'twon't make no diflFerence — 

You'll love me then the same as now? 
They all say that in self-defense; 

But women like it, anyhow. 

Oh, Terence, treat me awful nice 
And love me lots for all my life! 

Why shouldn't it be Paradise 
When you and me is man and wife? 



LOVE LYRICS OF A SHOP GIRL 

We won't be rich, except in love; 

But that will help a bit all right. 
We can't make any blunder of 

The game if we keep love in sight. 

There may be lots of troubles come — 

What's that you say? Oh, Terence, 
hush! 
Well, yes; I hope we do have some — 

But just the same you make me blush. 
But love me, hon, through thick and thin, 

And we will take what Fate may send. 
Our honeymoon will soon begin; 

Let's make it last tmtil- 

THE END 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



LOVE LYRICS OF 
A CHAUFFEUR 



THE FIRST PART 



TAKE it from me, when you're running 
a taxicabi 
YouVe got the chances to pipe all the 

chicks. 
Fellows that pilots and handles and backs 
a cab 
Wises up soon to their feminine tricks. 
Every old species of doll takes a ride with 
mCi 
Them from the city and them from the 
woods, 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

So I declare — it's a matter of pride with 
me — 
When I am stroi^ for a dame — she's 
the Goods I 

Well, now you're hep to how good I am 
judging 'em, 
Listen to me while I rave of a Peach! 
Take all the others — I won't be begrudg- 
ing 'em, 
This was the Only Original Screech! 
Rode with me only a trip of a mile or so, 

Didn't say nothing, except at the start, 
Gave me, I think, just a kind little smile 
or so. 
Nevertheless, I am minus my heart. 

Now I am sad and a trifle lugubrious, 
(Class to that word — I am great on such 
stuff) 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Somehow the prospect ain't very salubrious. 
How can I ever win out with that Fluff? 

Maybe we never will happen to meet again, 
Maybe she's married — I wonder, oh, gee I 

If she will ever be back on that seat again. 
Am I in love? — well you Take it from 
Me. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



II 

Containing Comments upon a Change 

of Heart 

I USED to like these chorus skirts, 
The snappy dames that always flirta; 
I used to think it something fine 
To drive some guy who^s buying wine, 
I thought the dames he trailed along 
Was all the dass — and I was strong 
For flashy dolls that slipped a tip 
And told me then to "let her rip." 

But somehow now IVe changed my 

mind. 
Them lively people ain't my kind, 
And I don't care for gay youxi^ bloods 
That nms with dolls in fiery duds, 



LOVB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

For I keep wond'ring why they roam 
When they got nice girls near at home. 
Not these here squabs that makes a stir 
But nice, sweet, quiet girls — Like Her! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



III 

Containing an Account of an Encounter 

I SEEN her, J seen her — that swell peach- 
eriner 
The one that has batted me dean ofF my 
nuti 
In all of the city there's no one as pretty, 
But what would she care for a tasdcab 
mutt? 
I seen her — but listen and let your eyes 
glisten 
With tears while I tell you the tale of 
my woe, 
I guess she's the daughter of old Van Der 
Water 
That portly old gink who is rollii^ in 
dough. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFBUR 

For that was the bloater who owns the big 
motor — 
The swell limousine that the lady was in. 
And right there beside her — like some fat 
old spider — 
Sat Dame Van Der Water — as stiff as 
a pin. 
But oh, that swell chicken I — she makes 
my heart quicken 
She sure has me going — just poor little 
Me. 
And though she's above me and hardly 
could love me 
You never can tell what the future may 
be. 



LOVB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



IV 

Containing More Weariness of Employ' 

ment Distasteful 

I'M sick of driving souses 
Around on their carouses 
To various road houses 

And places such as that. 

This life's too twirly-whirly, 

Too swift and gay and curly, 

I want to turn in early 

I ain't no blooming bat. 



I'm tired of charging double 
For this here taxi-bubble 
And finishing the trouble 
That angry Geezers start. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

This life's a constant riot, 
I'm seeking something quiet, 
I think I ought to try it 
And ditch this taxi-cart. 



I'm tired of sports and pikers. 
Of these here champagne-likers, 
These primrose-pathway hikers 

Who bluff and fake and stall ; 
Of chorus girls and show girls 
And rapid girls and slow girls 
Because I know there's no girls 

That's in HER dass at all. 



So — farewell, taximeter 
"As fleet as time" — and fleeter, 
You blamed old fraud and cheater 
That used to help me rob; 



LOVB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Farewell — for now my bee is 
And all the hope I see is 
To get a place where SHE is 
If I can glom the jobi 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



Containing Considerable Enthusiasm 

LISTEN, while I give three cheers, 
I'm the lucky gink, 
Smile extends around my ears. 

Sad? I scarcely think ! 
Mrs. Van Der Water said 
That she liked my face. 
Hoped I'd keep a level head 
If I got the place. 

"Madame," says I, "I'm your meat, 

* Level-head's ' my name 
Modest, sober and discreet, 

Honest, kind and tame, 
I can make a car perform 

Any sort of tricks. 
Set a pace that's slow or warm. 

Sixty miles, or six!" 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

So she hired me on the spot, 

Not a bit of fuss, 
Though she added, "You will not 

Have a home with us. 
You will have to live outside 

Not too far away 
So that when we want a ride 

There'll be no delay." 

Joy and rapture, perfect bliss I 

Maybe I'm in Dutch! 
Home was not a bit like this 

Not by quite as much. 
Gee, my brains is in a whirr 

And my heart beats high. 
I am going to drive for HER, 

Tm a lucky guy I 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



VI 

Containing Matters Pertaining to a Girl 

TAKE it from me, she's the Goods! 
Back, all the rest, to the woods ! 
She's got 'em trailing or rushed to the 
railing 
Engines on fire in their hoods. 
I took her out for a spin, 
Made the big car go like sin, 
When one gazabo would pass us, why 
say, bo, 
'^Beat him," she says, with a grin. 

Take it from me that I did, 
I'm the speedometer kid. 
And, when a fairy says ** hurry" to 
Harry 
Speed laws are certain to skid. 



LOVB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Honestlyi pal» she's a dream, 
Yes, and a regular scream. 

All of the candy, a queen and a dandy. 
Guaranteed peaches and cream! 

Gee, but I love her for fair, 
But I am filled with despair. 
How can a chauffeur get money to blow 

for 
Winning a girl millionaire? 
No, it's no possible use. 
Still, I can't tear myself loose. 
Now that I've foimd her I'm hanging 

around her. 
Take it from me, it's the deuce! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



VII 

Containing a Relation of Impending 

Conflict 

SAYS I to the footman, says I, 
" You're only a servant, 
Don't look quite so fervent 
When this here youx^ lady goes by.** 

Says I to the tiger — "You too 

Just cut out the flirtin' 

Or something is certain 
To happen quite sudden to you! 

"You ladceys have sure got a nerve 

To be throwing glances 

And making advances 
To them you are paid just to serve. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

•' So cut out this lovey-dove stuff; 
You know that your trade is 



Not ogling swell ladies, 
So chop it — or I will get rough. 



99 



They both was so mad they was red. 

But they didn't cut up 

No rumpus, they shut up, 
And that's why they're neither one dead. 

The crust of these servants! the cheek! 

They don't know their places 

But made pretty faces 
At Her — till / happened to speak. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



VIII 

Containing Nothing which Advances the 
Tale, but much Praise of a Lady 

SHE sure has class — she's like a car 
That runs without a jolt or jar, 
A quiet, rightly-made machine, 
A finely finished limousine, 
That's good for journeys near or far. 



99 



She's not a speeder, like some are. 
Though she can travel "up to par,' 
But — oh, you know just what I mean. 

She sure has class. 



Her lines are neat but not bizarre. 
She hasn't got a fault to mar; 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Her motor's silent and serene, 
She's good for hills or valleys green. 
She's all the dope, a peach, a star! 

She sure has class. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



IX 

Containing Sorrow because of a Piece in 

the Paper 

T T TEEP for me brother, oh, weep for me, 
Y V Honest, my trouble's too deep for 

me. 
Here is the reason in printer's ink 
She's being wooed by some millionaire 



Worry will spoil all my sleep for met 



Oh, I'm aware she is not for me. 

Still, just to see her's a lot for me; 
Now if she marries this other dude 
I'll never see her — it's just my luck. 

That is the wallop Fate's got for me. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

I Ve never seen any boys with her, 
But this guy, they say's the big noise with 
her, 
And as for me — I'm a common bloke 
And my life is spoiled and my heart is 
broke 
But I wish him the greatest of joys with her. 

And now it's the wine and the song for me 
With a gay little Pony along for me, 
For love's a joke and the world's a sham 
And I'm going to raise Old Ned, I am, 
It's back to the gay old throng for me. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



X 

Containing Remorse 

T^reVER again the joy ride 
A ^ Never again for Willie ! 
Whenever that bug begins to sing 

I'll answer it "nixy — nilly," 
For I went out with a pal or two, 
A bottle or two and a gal or two 
(It's funny the things a guy will do 

When out with a live young filly). 



We smashed the records of all the cars 
— Level country or hilly — 

But the cops they put us behind the 
bars 
And it made our hot time chilly; 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

And I had to pungle the bail for us 
To open the gates of the jail for us. 
Oh, it was surdy an awful muss 
And it makes a guy fed silly. 

So never again the joy ride thing 

With all of its frills so frilly, 
IVe tried it once and I've had my flii^ 

At being a daffy-dilly, 
I'm free, I hope, of the bars all right 
And I thank my stars that the car's all right. 
But I've learned my lesson and it's ''good 
night!" 

Never again for Willie. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XI 

I WAS waiting for her mother as the day 
grew late» 
When the girl she came and lingered at the 

iron gate 
Then she took the seat beside me — and 
she said she'd wait. 

I didn't start the talking, but She spoke to 

me 
And soon we was conversing very pleasantly , 
And my heart was simply beating like a 

hammer — see! 

She was very sweet and jolly for a little while 
And She made me extra happy with her 

warm, kind smile 
And She sure was mighty lovely in the 

grandest style. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

She listened to me talkixig as a fellow will 
Of the things he's done and doing — that 

he will do still, 
And She said she'd often wondered at my 

nerve and skill. 



Then her mother joined the party and the 

talk was done, 
But she sure has got me captured — she's 

the only One, 
Though my heart is sad and dreary and it 

weighs a ton. 



For though the other fellow hasn't showed 

up yet 
I know a millionairess ain't for me to get 
For they never marry fellows that must 

toil and sweat. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

So what's the use of dreaming though your 

dreams are swell? 
There's always some one wakes you with 

the rising bdl. 
It's very pleasant dreaming — but to wake 

is hell! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



THE SECOND AND LAST PART 

XII 

SHE went out to the country house 
today, 
I took her in the little runabout, 
I felt so happy I could almost shout» 
She talked to me for nearly all the way. 
I sat there like a boob, I couldn't say 
A single thing, the words would not come 

out 
And then — somehow I got dear off the 
route 
And just missed smashing up against a 
dray. 

'Twas dose enough so I had quite a fright 
But when I turned to her to make a stall, 



LOYB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

That everything was lovely and all right 
I found SHE'D fainted dead away — 

that's all! 
And then — I know it wasn't square to do 
But still, I kissed her — then I brought her 

to. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

XIII 

Containing Hope 

MAYBE, after all, SHE'D love me 
If SHE knew that I loved her, 
Though it seems SHE'S far above me 

Still — such matches do occur. 
'Course, I'm shy on education 

'Cept the kind a Geezer learns, 
When he has to get his ration 
On the rhino that he earns. 

But — here's where I throw bouquets at 

Me myself — I ain't no stick. 
And I'm pretty good to gaze at. 

Leastwise I don't make you side 
Like these shrimps so soft and sappy 

With their brains as light as chafiT; 
When I see that kind of chappy 

On the dead, it is to laugh ! 



/ 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

I got lunch hooks made for working, 

I got arms that's good and strong, 
I ain't like these dandx^, smirking 

Ginks that's in the *' social" throng. 
I ain't no cotillion leader 

Never cared about that clan, 
But I reckon I could feed her 

And at least she'd have a Man. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XIV 

Containing Battle 

THE butler says, "Well, how's the love 
sick guy?" 
"Do you refer to me?" was my reply. 

"Why sure," he says, "the whole blame 

outfit's wise. 
Do you think we got blinders on our eyes?" 

"Well, wise to what?" I asks him, "what's 

the game?" 
"Why, wise," he says, "to how you likes 

that dame. 

"I guess you got an awful crush — hey bo? 
Oh, in the servants' hall we ain't so slow. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

"Say, tell me, put me next to all the dope — 
Just when are you expecting to dope? 



ff 



"Say, brother,'' was my oomebadc, calm 

and plain, 
" I guess youVe got some cobwebs on your 

brain. 



"Your mind is dusty — sneeze and dean 

it outl 
You listen, now, to what I've got to shout. 



"Cut out the comedy, you ain't so much 
You're just about as funny as a crutch. 



"And also keep jrour nose from my affairs 
And — so you won't be loaded with my 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

"I'll give you some that's all your own*^ — 

and, bim! 
I spread his nose around the face of him. 



And maybe now he knows enough to see 
I am not fond of curiosity. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

XV 

Containing Criticism 

THE chauffeurs gave a fancy ball 
And all the servants shook a shoe, 
I tell you there was nothing small 
About the way they put it through. 
The maids and nurses was on view 
Dolled up to kill — and be admired 
But let me wise you up a few — 
These roughneck functions make me tired. 

There was a time I used to fall 

For every pretty skirt I knew, 
I used to whirl 'em round the hall 

And grizzly-bear 'em muchly, too. 

I was the biggest breeze that blew 
With all the damsels that I squired, 

But now 1 tell 'em to skidool 
These roughneck functions make me tired. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

It ain't no use for me to stall, 

The little dame I love so true 
Has kind of spoiled me for 'em all 

Till only high-toned wrens will do. 

These chambermaids and all that crew — 
My liking for 'em has expired, 

Fastidious indeed I've grew, 
These roughneck functions make me tired. 

Believe me — Class is all my cue 

A finer taste I have acquired, 
I know what's what and who is who. 
These roughneck functions make me tired. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XVI 

Containing Developments 

^T^ODAY, as I oUed the machinery 

JL And cleaned up the car for a run, 
She came — all togged up in hew scenery 

The niftiest doll 'neath the sun. 
And for more than an hour she was hover- 
ing near 
Thoi^ I said to her, ''Madam, it's dirty 
in here." 

She said she would take all the chance of it 

And added, '' I envy all this 
The daring and skill and romance of it." 

Said I — ** Are you kidding me, Miss? 
This job's as romantic as driving a hearse 
Or washing the dishes or knitting a purse 1" 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Then she talked of the way I had driven her 

The day we had just missed the dray, 
And asked if I'd fully forgiven her 

For foolishly fainting away. 
And I said to myself — "Is she hep, was 

she wise? " 
For there was a smile somewhere deep in 
her eyes. 

I kept at my job, getting grittier 
And greasier, too, like a chump. 
And She — She got prettier and prettier, 
Till my heart would do nothing but 
thiunp. 
She might not know much about engines 

or lamps, 
But say — as a looker she's one of the 
Champs. 

I wonder if she is just bringing me 
A chance to make plain how I feel, 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Or if she is pleasantly stringmg mei 
And if she'd say **nix" if I'd spiel. 
This being in love is a helluva note» 
Your heart's in your boots or it's up in 
your throat. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XVII 

Contmning More Developments 

KISSED her and she knew I did. 
And never squealed a little bit. 
I kind of think she loves me, kid. 



I 



While climbing in the car, she slid 

And slipped — I caught her 'fore she hit, 
I kissed her and she knew I did. 

Beneath her natty merry-wid 

She blushed — but never threw a fit. 
I kind of think she loves me, kid. 

Was Mamma near? Say, brother, rid 

Yourself of thinking I'm a nit. 
I kissed Her — and she knew I did. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

When mamma came, I touched my lid 

And Daughter's blushes seemed to flit, 
I kind of think she loves me, kid. 

Say, all my gladness makes me skid 

To think I n:iade an awful hit. 
I kissed her and she knew I did; 
I kind of think she loves me, kid. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XVIII 

Containing a Hint 

THAT kiss had me so worried that 
I didn't know where I was at, 
Althoi^ SHE didn't seem to care, 
The prospect sort of threw a scare 
Into my consciousness, I thought 
I hadn't done just what I ought, 
And when she'd think it over, she 
Would have a can attached to me. 

And while I sat around in doubt 
She 'phoned me for the runabout. 
I grabbed my overcoat and rushed 
The little car around — she blushed 
When I drew up there at the curb 
And gee ! she sure did look superb. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

She blushed and smiled at me, and sighed 
And said, ^' Let's take a little ride J 



9f 



I helped her in — she laughed, and then 
She said, ''Perhaps I'll faint againl" 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



XIX 

Containing a Declaration 

rN out upon the road we sped, 
I said to her, here's what I said, 
Say, miss, whenever you're around 
I go clean dotty in the head. 



W^' 



(( 



it 



My brakes won't work, my wires are 
crossed, 
My power is on, the clutch is lost, 

I'm running wild around the road. 
And as a chauffeur I'm a frost. 

"I know, of course, I'm just a bloke 
That smells of oil and auto smoke 

But I can always get a job 
And graft is good — and I ain't broke. 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

''And since I seen you, from the start 
In that there honk-hack; say, my heart 

Has run like some old motor bike 
Or like a one-lung package cart. 

"I know I got a nerve to brace 
A lady in your high-bom place, 

But I am mighty strong for you 
And so I say it to your face. 

''I know I'm not so much refined 
As people of your social kind, 

But if you'd take a chance on me 
I wouldn't be so bad, you'd find. 

" I'd work for you and try to be 
The kind of man you'd want me, see ! 

I love you like a hood-on-fire 
And so I ask you — Marry me! 



99 



LOVB LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



Containing Elation 

GAZE at the chest of me, pipe all the 
rest of me. 

Wise yourself up to the joy and the zest 
of me! 

Fate — do your scrappiest, still I'm the 
snappiest, 

Luddest mortal on earth — and the hap- 
piest! 

Fill up your glass to me I Well, don't 
you pass to me 

Credit for having a whole lot of class to me? 

Love's taken care of me, nothing can harry 
me 

Think of it, brother, she says she will 
marry me! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

WeVe to go riding some day, that's the 

dope; 
Then — we will put on some speed — and 

elope! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 



Containing a Catastrophe 

SAY, listen to Harry, the Chauffeur 
That's talkixxg to you, 
— That girl I Ve been loving so true 
And saving up all of my dough for. 
She's only the maid, not the daughter 
Of old Van Der Water! 
Why, say, I'm a boob, I'm a quince 
And the servants have laughed at me since 
They found what I thought. 
And to think that I fought 
With the butler and played 
Such a fool — for a maid! 
If I'd asked, I'd have known 
But I went it alone. 
And I stuck up my nose at the crowd 
And it's their laugh — out loud! 



LOVE LYRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

Well, I guess I will beat it, that's all 

For I'd fed pretty small 

To be getting the laugh all the time 

For I sure am a lime! 

And yet I don't know, 

She's a neat little fluff, 

And I canU treat her rough 
In spite of the fact she was stringing me so. 
Perhaps, after all, — she might prove up a 

pearl 
And she certain and sure is one Nice Litde 
Girll 



LOVE LTRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

XXII 

Containing a Satisfactory Conclusion 

T T TELL, we've fixed it all up at the last 

V V And the parson has tied us 
And we've cut out the bluff of the past 

And there's naught will divide us. 
And when I consider the same 

My thanks are most fervent, 
That SHE ain't a society dame 

But a mighty good servant. 

For when I take trouble to think 

Of the ways of them ladies 
I know with a commonplace gink 

They'd simply raise Hades, 
So I'm glad that she's plain Mary Jane 

Not way, way above me 
But the kind that will wear in the rain 

And will honestly love me. 



LOVE LTRICS OF A CHAUFFEUR 

She's saved up a dollar or two 

And IVe crated some honey 
And we Ve got an investment in view 

That'll bring us the money! 
It's a cinch of a business well share 

And a long needed mis^on, 
For we'll run a garage — ON THE 
SQUARE 

— And there's no competition I 



13 
II 
29 



/